43 Ways To Annoy A Londoner In Five Words Or Less

Turns out, it’s not that hard to annoy a Londoner…

Look, you and I both know that Londoners are, deep down, a happy bunch. How could we not be, living in such an incredible place? However, let’s just say that on the surface, we can sometimes come across as a grumpy bunch, easily annoyed by Tube delays, tourists, and other exceedingly minor inconveniences. It’s all part of our charm, am I right? Anyway, knowing this as we do, we set Secret London readers a little social media challenge: to annoy your average Londoner in five words or less. The results were, as always, illuminating. Here we go! (All GIFs are via Giphy)

1. “Let’s meet in Leicester Square”

2. “Can you move down please?”

3. “This bus is on diversion”

4. “Smile, it might not happen.”

5. “Northern line at rush hour”

6. “Where is Buckingham Palace?”

7. “New York is better 😘”

8. “It’s much cheaper up north”

9. “We are sorry to announce…”

10. “See it, say it, sorted”

11. “Night tubes are permanently suspended…”

12. “Property prices…”

‘Nuff said.

13. “2 minutes until next tube”

14. “Let’s go out in Clapham”

15. “Oyster card not ready”

16. “Electric f****ing scooter.”

17. “HOW much is your rent?”

18. “Party in zone 5?”

And the view from the other side…

19. “Zone 4 isn’t really London”

20. “How do I pronounce Marylebone?”

21. “The coffee machine is broken”

22. “How much is a pint?”

23. “Let’s eat at Angus Steakhouse”

24. “Where’s Harrods?”

25. “Lifts broken at Covent Garden”

26. “This bus terminates here.”

27. “Have you met the Queen?”

28. “Let’s go to Oxford Street…..”

Which leads to…

29. “Walking slow on Oxford Street”

30. “Cash only”

31. “How are you?”

32. “Would you take our picture?”

33. “Where is Li-kest-ter square?”

34. “Take the Bakerloo line.”

35. “But where are you REALLY from?”…

(Yes it’s six words, but I’ll allow it.)

36. “It’s south of the river…”

37. “Londoners are rude”

38. “Someone made eye contact”

39. “My rent is so cheap”

40. “Outside Zone 3”

41. “Hello, good morning”

42. “Manchester is so much better”

And of course, we couldn’t complete this list without…

 43. “Change at Bank”

Thanks for playing, everyone!

Meanwhile, here are the best responses to “tell me you’re a Londoner without telling me you’re a Londoner”.

Also published on Medium.

Secret London